Eulogy
by thewickedpanda
Summary: Someone dear to Hiei has had their life torn away, and while Hiei sets out to take revenge on her killer, he must also deal with the inner turmoil accompanying her death. Perhaps he may learn the value of appreciation. HieixKurama. You've been warned.
1. Chapter I

**Hello, readers.**

** I'm going to make this brief so that you may get straight to the story. Yu Yu Hakusho belongs to its respectful creator, which is not me, unfortunately. This is my first fan-fiction in years. (Believe me... years.) The story will start out from Hiei's perspective and may remain that way throughout, but we'll have to see how it goes. So, yeah. Enjoy.**

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A brisk wind beat harshly against the side of my face, bringing with it an uncomfortable chill - one familiar, though I wish it weren't. The glacial mountains surrounding me seemingly bowed before the grace of this quiet place; they too were paying their respects. Each headstone looked almost identical to the next, though this particular monument before me stood out amongst the rest. Not only did it stand taller, but the base was encompassed in glistening beads all shed just for her.

_She was the most beautiful, kind-hearted child this village has ever seen._

It was true. Never did she cease to amaze me in all her benevolent ways; she could do no wrong. Sometimes I wondered how we possibly came from the same womb - how we shared the same genes. She was our angel, truly, and forever would be watching over us now that she was gone. It seemed like only yesterday she stood before me, angelic and graceful, a pinnacle of magnificence to be sure. Her smile lit up the room, and although it sickened me to see Kuwabara ogle her, I found comfort in knowing he brought her happiness. I wanted so much to make her happy.

Perhaps if I'd told her who I really was, I might not be feeling such a knot in my throat at this moment. I was cold to her, but only because I feared her. I'd feel an unmeasurable guilt should I ever have tainted her. No one deserves to fall victim to demons like the ones dwelling within me - especially not her. The knot grew tighter still, and I nearly dropped to my knees before her grave. I wanted to weep; I wanted to throw my arms around her and let her know her brother loved her for everything she was. But now...

Another wind - this one brushing a single gem through the soft patch of snow and towards my feet. The slight tap was enough to avert my gaze from the engraving of her name down to the ground. I kneeled down to it and gingerly lifted it only to grasp it tightly in the center of my clenched fist. It was no use; I could no longer hold it in. The first tear ran down my cold cheek, moistening it and leaving behind a clear, glistening trail. The rest followed like quiet raindrops that trickled slowly down after - all plummeting to the ground in a pile of black and red treasures.

_ "Yukina..."_ I sobbed. I could still vaguely remember the sound of her voice, that voice which held not a drop of spite or bitterness. _"Yukina... I-I'm..." _It grew impossible to speak; the sound of my own voice was drowned out by the resonance of my mournful cries. And there I wept for her, alone, weak, and longing for a miracle. But instead my prayers were greeted by the unwelcome snowstorm that had been brewing through the duration of my stay. I couldn't move, though. Neither a storm nor the gods could pry me from her grave. I cried out to her with my hands held forth full of tear gems tumbling down to join the pile already formed. They clattered like marbles; the sound unnerved me.

The tears welled up further until my body grew too limp to even say sitting up on my knees, and I fell - head resting in a pile of tears and my hands frozen by the cold. There I lay, and there I would stay until the morning's rise. I don't remember when I fell asleep, but I know that the next day my heart felt hollow. I had no interest in returning home or even seeing anyone.

I awoke to the sound of footsteps and quickly leapt to my feet. It was Ri; she looked concerned, but she didn't say a word. Instead, her lips turned upwards into a weak smile as an offering of comfort. Unfortunately, it did nothing to ease my pain. Instead, I grew sadder and turned my eyes away and stared off into the mountains where the Sun had begun to rise. The sky hung over us like a blanket of warm pastel colors - something that usually brought a wave of calmness with it. It reminded me of her, and so I couldn't help but want to look away from it. To distract myself from my plague of unwanted thoughts, I turned my attention back to Ri.

"What do you want?" I questioned. She seemed unfazed by my annoyance; I suppose it was to be expected.

"I only came to check on you. You never returned to the village after I brought you here last night, and I was worried something might have happened. I guess I was foolish to think something like that." She lowered her head seemingly ashamed. I snorted.

"Yes, quite. I don't need you to check up on me. I was just leaving anyway." As I stepped past her, she stopped me, turning to stare at me with big, helpless eyes.

"Hiei... She loved you, you know. Even if she may not have known who you really were... She-"

"I've heard enough of it, Ri. I don't need sympathy from you or anyone. I'd like to just be left alone." Without another word, I sped off and bounded my way back through the village and down back towards the rest of Demon World. It wasn't really where I wanted to be. My current state of being left me vulnerable to even the lower class creatures, and I was in no mood to fight. So, instead, I set out for the only other place I knew that might provide some solace - the Living World.


	2. Chapter II

**Welcome to Chapter II.**

**(So, I realize I'm making Hiei seem like a total pansy-ass, but hey, he'll redeem himself eventually. Maybe...)  
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**Disclaimer | I, being of sound, mind, and body, do hereby decree that I take no part in ownership of Yu Yu Hakusho or its characters... sadly.**

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Like always, passage into the Living World proved hectic and nearly fruitless. However, my endeavors were often met by a rewarding welcome from Kurama as I crept through his bedroom window. My feet perched on a sturdy branch on the maple tree just beyond his window sill, and as I peered inside, I noticed something peculiar; it was empty. Not even the slightest hint of his presence. I grew curious and stepped closer, inching my head out from the leaves and nearly pressing myself against the glass.

Nothing. The small ounce of hope I had for some comfort vanished in an instant, and again I was left alone. I felt pitiful - so much I felt I could maybe stand the presence of Yusuke and Kuwabara, but I still had my pride. No amount of pain would push me that far over the edge. While I gathered my racing thoughts, I stared blankly off into Kurama's room. It was so well kept; I expected nothing less from someone like him. He was orderly in every sense of the word, which is probably why I chose to come to him before anyone else. I trusted him to keep his composure - even in his darkest hour. I couldn't help but feel a little resentment for him not being around when I now needed him the most.

Suddenly, though, as if on cue, the sound of footsteps caught my attention. They were steadily approaching. My first thought was his human mother; I couldn't let her see me outside of his bedroom window. She'd surely be suspicious, and I was in no mood to cause a ruckus. So, I pulled back into the brush and concealed myself in the shadows.

"Hiei, what are you doing?" That voice... So soft, like silk. I jolted forward and let my eyes follow the sound down towards its source. Kurama... "Something's wrong, is it not? You came to Living World in a hurry; I could feel your energy surging as you passed through the barrier. I'll open the window for you." I watched as that fiery mane of rose-red hair swept over his face like a glistening veil. He was most elegant - even in battle. We were truly polar opposites.

The window switch clicked, and Kurama lifted the glass enough for me to climb through. He cleared his throat as my first foot touched his bed. I rolled my eyes - proceeding to remove my boots and intentionally toss them at him, though not necessarily trying to hit him. He only chuckled at me. To be honest, his laughter made me want to blush; it was heartwarming.

"So tell me, Hiei. What has you bothered? It's been awhile since I've seen you, and you aren't looking like yourself." If only he knew how much I wanted to throw myself at him and wrap myself up in his warmth. It seemed like the one thing that would help to bring me closure at the moment, but instead I scowled at him - eyes cold and as distant as ever. Not even my admiration for the fox could penetrate the barrier of my harsh personality.

"It's... Yukina," I muttered. It took everything in me to force it out, though I hadn't actually explained what had happened.

"Yukina? What about her?" he asked. He was overcome by a wave of concern, I could tell. He already knew something had happened.

"She's... dead."

"... What?" I knew it was only rhetorical. He knew I wouldn't conjure up such a despicable lie. Despite that, I was infuriated, though not so much at him as I was at the fact that I'd only just then admitted it to myself.

"She's dead, didn't you hear me?" I snapped. Again, the tears were welling up, but I refused to let them fall - no, not in front of him. "They found her, beaten and slain at the hands of some filthy demon rat just on the outskirts of their island... And... the marks..."

"Marks?"

"The marks on her body were unusual... The killer had carved illegible symbols into her palms and just below her collar." By this point, my fists were shaking. Though I hadn't been the one to find her, I remembered clearly the way she looked when I saw her lying there in her bed. Her hair lay perfectly above and around her head like a halo, and her face had never looked more peaceful. I couldn't accept it, though. The blood surrounded her body in pools, and the marks on her skin were clearly some powerful incantation, but what kind I couldn't tell. I knew her spirit was not laid to rest.

"Often times, marks like that are left to seal some kind of bond between the killer and its victim. Usually it's assurance that the victim's power is guaranteed to leave its host and reconnect with whoever inscribed those marks onto the deceased body," he started, "However, it takes a great level of skill to successfully bond with an outside power source. Like a body accepting a donated organ, a weaker specimen is likely to fail in absorbing the full amount of another's power, which will leave them in an even weaker state than before - possibly even dead."

He always knew how to explain things, even when he had no idea what on Earth was happening. This is why I adored him, and this is why I could not have him. I sent him a phlegmatic glare as though I'd heard enough, but at least now I knew it wasn't some passing bandit out looking for blood that might've taken Yukina's life. Clearly, she'd fallen victim to the hands of a powerful creature - one even I, myself, might've had issues with should I encounter this beast. Kurama met my gaze with a troubled look of his own. Though I made an effort to keep my anguish hidden, he knew I was suffering.

"Look, Kurama, I didn't come here for sympathy from you. I just-" I was cut off by a pair of arms wrapping protectively around me, satiny hair draping over my shoulders and face. His rapid heart beat gradually died down to a steady pace, and briefly, I thought I heard him choking back on tears. "... Ku... rama..."

"Hiei... You don't have to hide from me... I know what it's like to lose someone so close to you... I know the pain you must be feeling." His words soothed me. I could feel his empathy as though he were channeling it into me through his alleviating embrace. I fought hard to hold back the tears. The moment he whispered my name, the task became more difficult than winning any battle I'd ever fought. My arms reached around him, and I latched my fingers onto his back -hands pulling down on the fabric of his school uniform; it was too much. My face found its way to his chest, and like the night before, I let go. I'd thought my grieving was over, but I was proven wrong. To anyone else, I would've been weak - spineless, not worthy of being a demon of such high caliber. Yet, to him, I had nothing of which to be ashamed. He understood.


	3. Chapter III

**Disclaimer | Yu Yu Hakusho isn't mine. Yadda yadda.**

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A storm had moved in. Kurama didn't feel comfortable leaving me to wander on my own at the time; he had good reason to feel that way. I didn't have the will to argue with him, so I reluctantly complied with his wishes. While he sat at his desk, tending to studies no doubt, I sat quietly atop his bed. Raindrops washed over the glass of his window, dribbling down to the ledge before washing out of sight. There was something comfortably numbing about the sight of rain. Had it not been raining the day I saw Yukina, I might have not been so halcyon.

Though it unnerved me to remember, there was nothing I could do to distract myself. An eerie silence filled the room with only the sound of the storm to break it. It was the same way that day - tranquil, all seemed to be in order. My heart felt heavy, as did the water droplets beating down upon my weary physique. More and more humans had been stumbling their way into Demon World, and I'd grown tired of the repetitive routine. My mind and body both wanted an escape, and looking back on it, I may have been asking for too much.

I remember the feeling of utter loneliness as I trudged along through the mud and soggy grass. I stopped just short of one of the many highly elevated plateaus and glanced up at the sky. It was a depressing shade of gray - something that strangely lifted my spirits. I felt as if the world were also sharing in my emptiness, and it was comforting. The refreshing feeling of rain dripping down my face and neck soothed me just enough to mitigate my pain if only for a moment; I closed my eyes. I would often times find myself caught up in contentment, because it was such a rarity for me. Any chance I got, I wanted to make it last. I swept away all painful thoughts, then, and let the rain consume me. I wanted nothing more than to listen and embrace it as it welcomingly washed over me.

As always, though, the satisfaction was short-lived. A sudden crack of thunder awoke me from my mesmerized state of mind bringing me back to the real world. In the real world, I would always be alone, regardless of how many people I knew or would meet. I concluded this long ago and have since accepted my fate; there is no point in denying it. My eyes slowly re-opened to the same view of a dark sky, and again, I was met with that same familiar silence. Looking back, I would take the silence over the unbearable sound of her voice that played through my mind as I sat upon Kurama's bed. It wasn't long after I'd begun my trek once more that I was found by the ice apparition, Ri. She was panting, out of breath and struggling for words. As our eyes met, the world stopped turning... She needn't tell me what had happened; her expression alone told me enough. There was only one reason why she would've come running to me - only one person she knew for which I'd bother.

"... Hiei... It's... It's Yukina..."

I'm not certain of what happened after that. The sound of my own heart beat resonated in my mind, and it was all I could hear. My limbs suddenly grew heavy - as did my breathing. I could feel the lump in my throat expanding - my heart sinking to the very pit of my stomach; I knew. She continued to speak, but I paid no attention. I felt her hand brush across my arm in a feeble attempt to grasp it, but I was already tossing her aside by that point.

"HIEI!" she cried after me, her arm outstretched still, but I made no attempt to look back. My legs couldn't run fast enough. It felt like a dream where I was constantly running in place - never able to move forward. I could see her clearly standing before me - eyes wide and sparkling, ever innocent. She didn't deserve this; I didn't want to believe it. I was dreaming again, I had to be; I couldn't stop running in place. She seemed within grasp, but each time I reached out to her, I couldn't touch her, and eventually... she turned away. I watched as she faded into nothing - her body evanescing into snowflakes. As each frozen white cluster drifted towards me, I slowed down my pace until I'd come to a complete halt. Until then I hadn't realized how hard I'd been trying to reach her, and my body collapsed.

I sat there on my knees, arms limply lying at my sides. The snow gently settled upon my face and melted instantaneously. I then realized the snow was not Yukina, but the sky. While I didn't know how I'd found my way to the ice village without remembering, I was there standing outside of our mother's old home. Ri and the elders had kept the house in tact - furnished, cleaned, and looking like new. I hesitated at the front doorway; I couldn't seem to bring myself forward. There was a gathering of young apparitions huddled behind me, all sobbing into their palms and leaning on each other for support. The sound of their weeping convinced me to move - if only to escape the sound. I slowly made my way through the home, taking in the atmosphere of what would have been my own living space... The wooden floor creaked beneath me, and the walls were poorly insulated. There wasn't much in the way of decoration, but then again, there was no one living there to care. Eventually, I found my way into the bedroom.

Yukina's body was blocked by a few of the village's women paying their respects through prayer or by offering. I kept back to allow them time with her, but more so to postpone my own suffering. I felt deeply conflicted; my sister was...

"You are... Yukina's brother...?" A woman stood before me. She was older, probably head of the village if I were to guess. I nodded in response and turned my eyes towards the doorway - anywhere that would allow the avoidance of eye contact. "You may see her now..." I felt the lump in my throat return. She stepped to the side of me and gestured towards the girls at the bedside. They bowed before stumbling out in a fit of tears. All fell silent; we were alone. I waited another moment, still, before finally looking up. My breath came in sharply as I set my eyes upon her lithe, petite form lying there lifelessly.

"Yu..." My feet felt like tremendous weights, which I forcibly had to lift with much effort. I tottered towards the bedside and caught myself just at the edge, somehow managing to remain standing. Her face displayed genuine serenity, but I knew she couldn't possibly be happy. I felt my hand trembling as I lifted it up towards her cheek. My thumb stroked across her skin, which felt cold yet still so soft to the touch. The rosiness of her face had left and been replaced with an unsettling blue tint. It contrasted starkly against the deep red of the blood staining her body and clothes. I wanted to tear them apart; she deserved silk robes and the finest accessories. She deserved to live happily. There was no justice or righteous moral ground behind this horrific act. "Whoever did this to you, Yukina..." I trailed my fingertips down her slender arm and took her hand up in mine. "I will find them. And I will kill them."

Knowing Yukina, she might've tried to convince me not to avenge her, and perhaps somewhere she was, but no amount of pleading or persuasion would stop me - not this time. I took another long look at her and squeezed her tiny palm tightly. My other arm draped around her shoulders, pulling her head up to rest in the crook of my neck. There I sat, holding her like a beautiful doll. It was as I gradually lay her back down that I spotted the markings along her collar bone. The dried blood surrounded each wound like an eerie bold outline, and I was overwhelmed by a furious rage. My hand clenched tighter around hers, and my thumb briskly swept across the very center of her palm. I suddenly pulled back; there I saw another marking, and likewise, a similar one on her other hand. I expected myself to cry out and begin an onslaught of any who stood in my way, but no - I stood there motionlessly. My mind was drifting away, as was my consciousness. I stepped back from the bedside, and, like a mindless zombie, drug myself from the house and back out into the streets. Waiting for me was the village elder and the group of young women from before. They watched me - frightened, spying the blood upon my white scarf and my face - the distant, unmeasurable, gleaming hatred in my eyes. I passed through them without a word and don't remember where I went from there. The only clear visage in my mind were the raindrops flowing down upon me as I drifted back to Demon World. The gentle touch of snow quickly became like razors whipping past my face, yet I cared not. I wanted to drown in it - let the rain fill me up and wash me away. I could think of nothing but her being alone in the afterlife.

My eyes had glazed over, and I seemed to be aimlessly wandering in one single direction. I had no strategy, and though I had the means to find her killer, I was too mentally unstable to try and track him down. I just remember walking...

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My pitiful flashback ended abruptly by the creaking of Kurama's bedroom door. I threw myself back into the corner of the room, again thinking it might've been his mother. Instead, it was only him, and he held, in his hands, a tray of food - probably for me.

"I'm sorry, Hiei. Did I startle you?" I shook my head. "I'd asked you earlier if you were hungry, but you gave me no response. I fixed you up something anyway. It's not much... but I doubt you're feeling much like eating." He sat next to me on the side of the bed and placed the tray in front of me. A bowl of hot miso soup - simple, yes, but ever so thoughtful. I brought my gaze up to his face, and he watched me admiringly. Those emerald oculars pulled me in like a powerful ocean current, and I never failed to be swept away. He smiled, then, something I had taken for granted before, but the moment I saw it that night, I wanted to keep it with me always.

"Thank you," I muttered. Showing my utmost appreciation for the fox was difficult, as always, and I feared that some day it might push him away. I found myself conflicted between shattering my protective walls and keeping Kurama at my side indefinitely. His face gave me reassurance that he had no plans of abandoning me - at least not any time soon. For that, I was also grateful, but again, I don't think he'd ever know just how much.


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